Capital F

It took a while to recover from my tubal. I was scared to try again because I knew that if I got pregnant again and it ended up in my tube, it could kill me. But can I really just give up? "T" and I decided to sell our home and buy a new one. We decided to use money from the sell of our house for IVF. Before we could sell our home "T" took out money from his 401K and we went to an IVF Dr. He started running tests and we put about $4,000 into it. I started the birth control (that you use the month before the IVF cycle) and during that month, an unfortunate event happened to my Dr. so he couldnt do the cycle. I had already bought the medication, and now I have nowhere to turn. In February we finally sold our home and bought a new one. We went to another center and spent about $14,000 on an IVF cycle. I only had 4 eggs, 1 wasnt viable. 3 Fertilized, 1 was perfect, 1 was so-so, and 1 was crap. My Dr. implanted all 3... We got Pregnant!

I knew it would work, I just knew it! I stayed home for about a month. I'm a paranoid freak, but I know that stress is a huge problem when it comes to pregnancy. I am queen worry-wart. But I feel I have every right to be with everything "T" and I have been through. I started spotting a few days later. I called the Dr.'s office and they told me that it is normal to spot in an IVF cycle. The spotting didnt stop, it got worse. I called my Dr.'s every other day and told them. They kept telling me there was nothing to worry about.... Are they really telling ME there is nothing to worry about???? I've had 6 problem pregnancies, do they really not think I would know? Well to make the story a little shorter, I did miscarry. I made an appointment with the Dr. and told them I was miscarrying. When I went in they did and Ultrasound, no baby in uterus anymore, but there MAY have been a 2nd baby in my tube... they couldnt tell if it was or not. I passed everything pretty quickly. Hmm... 7 miscarriages, 7 years of trying... I guess it all sums up with one word.... Failure. I'm a Failure with a Capital F. Every creature on earth was brought here for a purpose. We all learned this in school. We were brought here to reproduce. What if "T" and I can never reproduce? What if we never have a little "TK" (I'm K) running around? There needs to be a little "TK" in the world... at least 1...