Hopeful

We had our Dr.'s appointment on Monday. I haven't actually seen him or even told him that we did IVF and what happened with it, so a lot of time was spent telling him what happened during that process. I explained that we did IVF, they grabbed 4 eggs (3 healthy), and they implanted 2 healthy embryos and 1 so-so one. I had to explain that I did get pregnant, but once my body started reacting to the Progesterone Shot (I broke out in a rash) that they changed me to Prometrium, and that is when I really started having problems. I really dont like Prometrium because it hasnt helped me hold on to one pregnancy yet. I also explained that I was upset with my IVF Dr. because he refused to put me on Heparin even though I have a family history of auto-immune disease. After I told him about all of that, I told him that T and I gave up on trying, we gave up for a long time. But when there is something in your heart, and you know it is meant to be, that you can't give up on it. My sister came with me to the Dr. appointment, and I started crying when I told my Dr. that my sister was willing to carry a baby for us. My Dr. was very supportive of what we are trying to do, so he is willing to do IUI, but the cost is more than I thought it would be; it is $500.00 each try! Last I heard, it was only $75.00 each try. So T and I arent sure if we will be able to afford that. I also told my Dr. that I want to try going on Clomid again, and I would like to go on the Progesterone shot AND Heparin this time. He said that he would be willing to prescibe those to me, so that is what we are going to try. I wont start taking Heparin until I am pregnant, so I dont need to worry about that, but the one thing he wanted to change, is instead of the Progesterone shot, he wants me to go on Prometrium again... that stuff just doesnt work, so I dont know what to do in that case. I just really hope that I can get pregnant and hold on to our baby this time.

I actually got up the courage to talk to T about a sperm donor. He looked a little shocked at first, but then he realized why I was asking. He sounds fine with it. So, if it doesnt work this time around with my egg and his sperm, then we may go ahead and try a sperm donor. I guess that way, in the long run, we would find out where the problem really is.... if it's me, if it's him, if it's the combination of the two of us, if its not time yet, or if we will never have our baby.

A New Path

It's been a while since I've written. In October, we had a little girl come over to our house for over a week. Her normal Foster Parents went on a trip and the state wouldn't allow them to take her. She clicked with us instantly, and we had a great time during that week. The following weekend, a little boy came over who is up for adoption. As much as T and I wanted it to work, it just wasnt a good fit. I really thought we would be happy doing this Foster stuff, but so far, it hasnt been quite what we thought.

We have decided to try again. I am extremely excited about this, because T and I both have this need in our life. My sister said that she would carry our baby, but we cant afford to do IVF again, and its even more expensive when it comes to surrogate. I have an appointment with my Dr. next week to see what he can do for us. I really dont know if it's me, or if it's T, or a combination of the two. I've thought about asking T if we should try a sperm donor to see if I could carry a baby for us that way, but I'm not really sure what he would think about that. I mean, in a sense, where my sister would be using her egg and his sperm, the baby wouldn't be mine (yes, it would be conceived because of our love); so wouldnt it be the same if we used a donor?

There is a lot going on in our life right now. T is going in a whole new direction in his career, the economy sucks, so its hard to pay bills right now; but if we could make our dream come true, we would sell our house if we needed to and get into something smaller. I really hope our new path will help lead us to our goal, our baby.