I have to take back your Christmas present

We had our first prenatal visit when I was almost 9 weeks along. "T" and I went together because we were hoping our Dr. would do an Ultrasound. It was a Friday, so we just took the day off to spend the whole day together. We begged, but he refused to do an Ultrasound. He told us that everything was growing exactly as it should and that everything was fine.

The next day, I started feeling really crappy. I started cramping and spotting. I was pretty worried - thats not a good sign. I called the Dr. and they said it was just from the exam. Sunday night I started passing tissue. I couldnt believe this was happening. Never in a million years would I think I would have a miscarriage. Monday morning I called into work and said that I had to go to the Dr. "T" and I went in and told him that I thought I was miscarrying. He finally did the Ultrasound. He said everything looked like I was pregnant, but he couldnt see the baby. I told him I had passed tissue, and he said that most likely I had already lost my little one. He told me to go up to the Hospital to have my blood drawn. "T" and I just sat there with tears filling our eyes. This can't be happening. It's just a bad dream. We left the Dr.'s office, and neither one of us could drive, we just sat in our car and broke down. We drove to my mom and dad's house so that one of them could take me to the hospital; we were in no condition to drive. We pulled up in their drive way. Neither one of us wanted to go in and tell them, but we knew it had to be done. We walked up their stairs and opened the door. My dad met us at the door with a big grin on his face - he didnt know anything was wrong. My face was filled with tears, and his happy face turned to one of concern. I didnt know how to say it, so I just blurted out "I have to take back your Christmas present" as I broke down. My dad held me as I fell, I sat there crying and could hardly breath. I looked over at "T" and he sat on the couch crying as well. I've never seen my husband cry - even when his dad passed away, he never shed a tear when I was around. My Dad went in and told my mom what was happening. He knew neither of us could say it again. My mom took me to the Hospital for the blood work. "T" stayed home with my dad.

The Dr. monitored my blood for the next few days and decided to give me the Methotrexate shot. He said that something was lingering in there that needed to come out. After the shot, my levels were still not dropping, so he did a D&C. My first miscarriage lasted about 3 weeks. This pain will never go away, as I type this now - I am crying.